A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost.  He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: :Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man below says: "Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees N. latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees W. longitude."

"You must be an engineer" says the balloonist.

"I am" replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well" says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost."

The man below says "You must be a manager."

"I am" replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well", says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault."

Two atoms are talking:

"Hey Barry, why the long face?"
"I've just lost an electron."
"What, are you sure?"
"Yes..... I'm positive."

A mathematician and an engineer are stranded on a desert island. Along with them, are several boxes of canned food. Try as they might, they were unable to bust open of the cans with the rocks that were available. Finally, the engineer decides to explore the rest of the island to try to find food or something to help open the cans.

Several hours later the engineer arrives back at the camp sight to find the mathematician eating a can of peaches, with several empty cans lying around.

"How did you open the cans?" asks the befuddled engineer.

"Easy," says the mathematician. "First, I assumed there was a can opener..."

A psychologist is doing a study on the different ways in which engineers, physicists, and mathematicians do things. In the first part of the study, an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are each taken into a different room, having a table and having a book on the floor, and asked to do a simple task: to move the book from the floor to the table.

The engineer looks at the book, picks it up, and puts it on the table. The physicist looks at the book, calls in her graduate student, and has her graduate student pick up the book and put it on the table. The mathematician looks at the book, does a few calculations, picks it up, and puts it on the table.

In the second part of the study, the three are each taken into a different room, having two tables and having a book on one of the tables, and asked to do another simple task: to move the book from one table to the other. The engineer looks at the book, picks it up, and moves it to the other table. The physicist looks at the book, calls in her graduate student, and has her graduate student pick up the book and move it to the other table. The mathematician, without hesitation, picks up the book, drops it on the floor, and says, "There! I have reduced the problem to one to which a solution is known to exist."

∫ dx/cabin = log(cabin)

Three engineers, mechanical, electrical, and civil, were sitting in a bar arguing about God.

The mechanical engineer says "It's obvious God is a mechanical engineer. Look at the human body. Look at all the joints, tendons, and muscle systems. Only an ME could figure all that out so that we walk upright."

The electrical engineer takes a drink and rolls his eyes. "You're wrong. God is an electrical engineer. Look at the human body! You've got neurons firing, nerve cells, signal transfers, only an EE could have even come up with that."

The civil engineer finishes off his beet and laughs. "You're both wrong. God's obviously a civil engineer. Look at the human body! Who else but a CE would run a toxic waste line through a recreation area?"

A general practitioner, an internist, and a surgeon go duck hunting. A bird flies over, the GP jumps up and says “Well, it looks like a duck and flies like a duck. Must be a duck.” He blasts away 3 times with his shotgun, missing each time, and the bird flies on.

Another bird flies over. The internist looks up and says, “Well it looks like a duck and flies like a duck. But we can’t rule out an Aleutian Canada goose, which can appear similar. And since this is a federally endangered species, shooting it would be contra-indicated. Another consideration would be…” By the time he’s finished talking, the bird is out of range.

The third bird flies over. The surgeon takes one shot and the bird falls dead at his feet. He picks it up and says “What do you know. A duck.”

Why do computer scientists/electronic circuit engineers always confuse Halloween and Christmas?

Because 31 Oct = 25 Dec

How many software customer-support people does it take to change a light bulb ?

What makes you think the problem is with the light bulb? Have you tried reinstalling your house's electrical wiring?

Two bytes were at a bar. One byte turns to the other and says "Hey, I'm not feeling too well, I think I have a parity error." The other byte says "Yeah, I thought you looked a bit off."

Power = Work / Time (physics)

but

Time is Money and
Knowledge is Power

therefore,

Knowledge = Work / Money
<=>
Money = Work / Knowledge

Therefore, the more you know, the less you get paid.

What's the difference between a civil engineer and an aerospace engineer?

Aerospace engineer's build weapons, civil engineers build targets!